As I am moving into the frightening world of my PhD I have recently been asking myself questions like:
- Why am I drawn to scientific research?
- What is the point of research?
- Why do I want to commit to something that makes me feel stupid?
A PhD or any other research for that matter is often referred to as “blue sky” or “fundamental” research. To me it has always been something I wanted to do. I have seen it as the “summit” to my mountainous childlike curiosity, always asking “Why”? I guess I, like many of my colleagues, have “intellectual ambition”. We desire to breakdown and understand the world around us and to appreciate all that has been thought, discovered and not yet discovered on the topics that grip our imaginations. To replace myth with understanding and to alter our perspective of the world through great scientific discoveries, inspiring others and future generations. As Einstein said “We are curious by nature”.
There are very few of us that actually have the opportunity to ask questions about that which fascinates us. We owe it to those envious accountant, advertiser, lawyer friends (who over dinner often describe to us what they would love to learn, analyze and specific questions they would like to discover answers too if they were also blessed to have 40 hours a week to spend on such curiosities), to take the opportunity and make the most of it! By no means am I diminishing the importance of such jobs, but I do enjoy the privileges of research. Setting my own agenda and planning my own work gives me a sense of ownership and pride.
This leads to the third question that abruptly wakes my up at 3am in the morning, “Why does this PhD make me feel so stupid?” People often say that if you don’t feel afraid/overwhelmed/scared and stupid whilst you are embarking on your research then you should not do it! This is crazy right? The article by Microbiologist Martin Schwartz captured the plight of the graduate student making the case for “productive stupidity” in science. The more comfortable we become with being stupid, the deeper we will wade into the unknown and the more likely we are to make big discoveries. Are you really pushing the envelope in search of that unique piece of knowledge if you don’t feel stupid? Frustrations and setbacks are experienced on a regular basis as success becomes measured by research output and impact rather than through grades. I’ve been told that questions around the significance of your research question, setbacks of experiment failure, meetings with your supervisor where you leave with more questions than answers, and feelings of depression and lack of competence are par for the course. Focusing on the small victories, setting realistic deadlines and actually getting your supervisor to sit down with you for more than half an hour are the victories.
And yet I still feel drawn to research; it’s challenging and unique and all my own. Albert Einstein said, “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?”, which has been loosely passed as the first law of scientific research.
Let me get back to grappling with the “Why’s” of my PhD, continuing to be a “stupid scientist” and in the moments of insanity and despair I won’t forget to enjoy the entertaining Jorge Cham’s PhD Comics.
